Some Vocation Tips....
A few weeks ago, I got a very sweet email from a subscriber. She asked:
"I was wondering if you had any advice or tips on praying to know what your vocation is, from one teen to another?"
I wanted to answer her question and share a bit about my Vocational discernment. I've already made several posts on Vocational discernment (because I LOVE talking about it 😊) and don’t want to be too redundant, so the links to those posts will be at the bottom of this page. However, this post contains some tips for discernment as well as a bit about my own experience so far in discerning my vocation.
Vocation comes from the Latin word "vocare" which means "to call" in Latin. In the broadest sense of the word, each of us is called by God to love Him, and our neighbor, and to obey His commandments. In short, we are each called to love. We all fulfill our vocations in our day-to-day lives when we do the will of God in each moment, choosing again each moment to obey Him and to love. These are "little v" vocations. What our subscriber is asking about is a bit different. (a "big V" Vocation!) God calls each of us to fulfill this vocation to love in a specific state of life, taking into account our needs, strengths and weaknesses, personalities, and desires. God knows us better than we know ourselves, and as a loving Father would, leads us to the state of life in which we will best be able to fulfill our vocation to love (this is the "big V" Vocation).
In Catholicism, there are three main Vocations: The priesthood, religious life, and marriage. Each involves the total gift of oneself to another. Priests give themselves totally in service of the Church; Consecrated Religious give themselves entirely to God; Married couples give themselves entirely to their spouse and live as laity in the world to build up the Church.
Tips for Discernment:
Be open to whatever God wants.
This is the best piece of advice I was given, and I can't stress it enough!! Once we can recognize that sometimes God has a better plan than we do, we will gain so much peace. Remaining open to God's will, even if we have a preference for one Vocation or another, is crucial.
Don't worry!!
This one's big too. You do NOT need to worry about your Vocation. You will not miss the call from God. You will not spend your entire life alone waiting for God to show you. God's got a plan and His timing is AMAZING. If you are remaining open to whatever He wants and praying to know His will, you are doing all that you can. Once you discover which state of life in which you are called to love, you may have doubts, but overall if you are where you are supposed to be you will have peace. God is not going to lead you to a place you are not called to be in. And when you do realize where God is calling you, you don't need to doubt it! God will not show you your Vocation, only to change his mind and decide He wants you somewhere else.
Pray, pray, pray.
Pray. Pray to know your vocation; pray for your possible future spouse; pray for your possible future parishioners or religious community; pray to remain open to God's will; pray for acceptance of your Vocation; pray for peace; etc. Prayer is your relationship with God. Communication is crucial in any relationship. If you don't talk or actively listen to someone, you won't know what they want from you. The same is true with God.
Listen to God.
So, you know you've got to listen to Him. That makes sense. But how? In Joel Stepanek's book True North: A Roadmap for Discernment, he lays out some different ways of knowing the will of God. (Note: These apply to all types of discernment, not just with Vocations.)
"Clarity beyond doubt"- This is when you know without a doubt where God is calling you by an unexplainable sense of joy and peace. (Or where He's not calling you by just the opposite...) You just seem to 'know" what you're supposed to do. This is rare, but definitely not impossible... God can do anything! (This is what happened to me!) Your soul is presented with an option, and you almost immediately know that it's what you have to do, not needing any further discernment. One does need to be careful to make sure that they are truly open to the will of God and not attached to one decision or another. You can do this by sitting with the decision for a day or two and seeing if the clarity is still felt, and by talking with a spiritual director, parent, or friend who knows your circumstances and has your best interests in mind.
Be attentive to consolation and desolation- I personally am just learning about this and am not the best at explaining it... But this awesome video does it very well and is only a couple of minutes long. If you are discerning anything- not just your Vocation- I'd highly recommend it: https://youtu.be/Z-mAkkLTlqQ Basically, when you are discerning the will of God, you are choosing between good options. If it's going to lead you to sin, it's not what God wants. When you are choosing between good options, you can first be assured that neither option is wrong! But ultimately, there is one decision that God wants for you. If you think about the different options and one gives you a sense of peace and joy, while the other makes you anxious, that's a good sign that you should probably pick the one that comes with the peace and joy 😉 (There's more to it though, so definitely watch the video.)
Get the opinions of other faithful people who have your best interests in mind. - It's always good to get multiple opinions. Other people may see strengths in you that you may not even be able to see in yourself. Ask your parents to help you in your decision-making, talk to your pastor, and maybe a teacher or different adult mentor. Sometimes if you present others with your options, they can help you to see them more clearly and without bias. God speaks to us through other people as well!
Explore.
Explore your options!! It's okay to talk to Sisters AND boys. Trust me... (Note: If you are specifically discerning a Religious Vocation, it's not wise to date. You will only confuse yourself and the person that you're dating.)
If you call a religious community and ask them for some more information or to talk to one of their members to see what it's all about, they're not going to try and rope you into joining them!! They will be happy that you're discerning your options and will help you in whatever way possible.
If your parents allow it and if you're mature enough, you can be open to discerning marriage with someone by dating them (but if you're not discerning marriage with someone, or if they're not the type of person you think you would, or should marry, then why enter into a dating relationship? That's the whole point...).
Make a decision.
At some point, you'll have to make a decision. Discernment is an active process, which means that it has a clear ending. You can't spend your whole life in your parents’ basement waiting for God to tell you whether you should be a nun or get married... It just doesn't work that way! You can be consoled by the fact that God is not going to leave you hanging. You will figure it out. Sometimes it just takes a while. And once you've discerned that you're called to one state of life versus the other, a whole new discernment process begins! If you believe you're called to religious life, you discern which community. If you believe you're called to marriage, you begin dating. If you believe you're called to be a priest, you discern whether you should be a diocesan priest or a priest in religious life.
I hope these tips can help you a bit. Basically, to discern your Vocation, you need to be open to what God wants, pray, and explore your options. When you feel drawn to one option or another and experience a sense of peace and joy when thinking about it, you can reasonably assume that that particular Vocation is what God is calling you to. Sometimes what you originally thought was your Vocation is really not it. That is certainly what happened in my case….
Long story short, I thought for a long time that I was called to religious life, then realized that I had mistakenly believed that my desires were God’s will. I was on a retreat and finally let God have control, and in a moment of “clarity beyond doubt,” realized that I am called to be a wife and mother someday. (If you’d like to hear the whole amazing story, please comment, and let me know!! I’d be happy to share. I'd love to hear your discernment process as well! 😊)
The moral of my (still- in the process!!) story is, I suppose, the following: God has a plan. You don’t need to worry about or obsess over it. Be open to whatever He wants, and just go with the flow. Everything happens for a reason.
To my subscriber who asked for this post... THANK YOU!! It is wonderful to know that the Church has Her share of teens, open to God’s will for their lives, who are going to be the next generation of wonderful Catholic Parents, Sisters, Monks, and Priests. Don’t be afraid. God’s got a plan and it’s going to be okay. 😊
Links to my other Vocation Posts:
Prayer to Know My Vocation from a prayer card that I have:
Lord, I want to be happy with you in this life and spend eternity with you in the life to come. From the first moment of my existence, you knew my Vocation. Please help me discover your plan for my life. Help me to know myself. Help me to overcome my fears. Help me to want what you want. Help me to trust You completely. Send your Holy Spirit into my mind and hearts so that I can see the gifts you've given me and hear Your call to serve the Church. Increase my desire to bring others to you and to help them reach Heaven. Mary Most Holy, Mother of God, pray for me, that I can discover my Vocation and have the courage to respond in faith.