My Vocation Story
I've had a few readers ask me to share my Vocation story.... So here it is! It's still in the process, of course, but so far it's been a crazy, beautiful journey.
Around the time of my personal conversion (age 13), I began to pay attention to my Vocation.
From the time I began thinking about it, I thought I was called to religious life. It was my desire for my life and I thought it was the only way I could be holy. I knew some Sisters and loved spending time with them but had no idea what they were about, other than that they didn’t get married and spent a lot of time praying. But still, I thought that their outward signs of dedication to God were beautiful.
I spent two years emailing Sisters from different communities, visiting countless websites, learning lots about religious life, and watching convent tours on YouTube during study hall….
It wasn’t until covid hit that I really began to pray about my Vocation. I sincerely believed that I was called to become a Sister and a bride of Christ. During the early months of the pandemic, I also became very aware of some sins that I had committed and worked through them. I knew I was forgiven, but the guilt and feeling of unworthiness to be a Sister still remained. Fast forward to April of 2021… I was on a retreat with some amazing Franciscan Sisters. That weekend changed my life. I got the chance to speak with one of the Sisters one-on-one, and I told her everything: all my struggles, my sins that were still leaving me feeling guilty, and that I didn’t feel worthy of religious life, worthy of love. I can’t even remember all that she said, but I left the retreat that weekend feeling loved and worthy, ready to accept God’s call to religious life. I also consecrated my Vocation to the blessed Mother that weekend, and later I was able to see that the Blessed Mother had been guiding me all along!
After the retreat, I began praying about my Vocation even more. I was almost constantly praying (and worrying…) about it. Soon, I slowly began to recognize that the entire time I had been thinking I was called to be a Sister, I hadn’t been taking into account that maybe God had a different plan for me- that he could make me holy in other ways. That Summer, I began attending a Bible study on Proverbs 31 at my new parish, and slowly, I began to realize in my heart that being a wife and mother is as much of a calling and a Vocation as religious life is. I was mystified and began to be truly drawn towards the Vocation. It was an unsettling feeling because I’d been so focused on religious life that I hadn’t seen that marriage was a path to Heaven as well! Through prayer, I began to have a feeling that this- truly, this time- was God calling me to be a wife and mother someday. The peace I felt in my heart when thinking about someday being a wife and mother was remarkable, but I still didn’t want to let go of my previous desire for religious life. I continued to pray, and pray, and pray. Then I went to a Steubenville conference. By that time, I was fairly sure that I was not called to religious life, but still didn’t want to let go of that or admit to myself or others that that’s not what He wanted for me. I prayed about my Vocation the whole weekend and told the priest who heard my confession that I was just so confused- that I didn’t know what God was calling me to. He told me that I just needed to be open. Be open to whatever God wants. I went to the chapel at Franciscan University and knelt outside, praying “Lord, I am open to whatever you want. Take away these desires if it’s not what you want. Open my heart to your plan.” On the last day of the retreat there was a Vocation call out. (“If there’s anyone in the room who thinks they might be called to be a Sister, please come forward so we can pray with you.”) I hesitated for a moment; my heart torn between my options. I ended up walking to the front of the room. By the time I made it there, I was near tears. As the priest prayed over us, something clicked in my heart and I knew immediately, felt without a doubt, God saying, “This is not who I’ve created you to be.” I began sobbing uncontrollably as I made my way back to my seat. I turned to my youth minister, my best friend’s mom, and to the young man who has become a big part of my story, (who I am now dating and discerning with😊) and told them through my tears “That’s not what He wants for me.”
I cried for a few minutes, truly mourning the realization that I was right- I am not called to religious life. But soon, after only a couple of minutes, a sense of joy and peace rushed in, replacing the anxiety I’d felt about it for so long. I knew I was called to marriage- to be a wife and a mother. It was a moment of clarity beyond doubt.
When I let go of my own desires, my own thoughts, and let God have control, He showed me the path. And though I wish it hadn’t taken me so long to realize it, I am so grateful that God led me on the journey that He did. I needed to desire religious life so that I could establish my relationship with God, work through various issues in my life, and learn that I was capable and worthy of loving and being loved. I am still open to whatever God wants, although I am confident that God is calling me to be a wife and mother someday, and am so excited to continue seeing how His plan unfolds.
That's my story so far!! I've found which state of life in which God is calling me to love, and the rest is up to Him. I'll do what He wants.
So, friend, if you are discerning your Vocation or are confused about it, my biggest advice to you is DON'T WORRY!! God has a plan for you. Pray, talk to Him and to others about it, but realize that it will all be revealed in His time. He loves you and He has the best plan in mind.
Check out my other posts about Vocations!
Please comment below if you have questions! I'd love to hear your Vocation journey so far.